Hanger Games

Every once in a while, inspiration comes from the most unlikely sources, such as a trending hashtag you happen to see one day. This one behind this post was #DressAFilm

Movies referenced here: Kill Bill, Scarface, The Hunger Games, Die Hard, Die Another Day, and How the West Was Won. Oh, and also Take the Lead (but that was accidental, so there isn't a dressed version of that here).

Sloth

I call this animal a sloth

Like "moth" or "goth" or "grapes of wrath"

But people also call it "sloth"

So which one is it? Is it both?

The latter sounds bizarre, although

It makes much sense as sloths are slow.

Also, if David Attenborough

Says it's a "sloth", it must be so.

But what if he just calls it "sloth"

Because that rhymes with Attenboroughth?

Aeroplane Etiquette

As anyone who has been on an aeroplane knows, it doesn't take more than one annoying co-passenger to ruin everyone's flight. There are some great posts on The Oatmeal highlighting several terrible things about planes, but I'd like to add a few more common problems (and possible solutions)

For instance, I don't spend much time thinking about horrible ways in which I might die when I'm not on a plane. And the most irritating cause of death would be a plane crash caused by some douche who simply HAS to make a call after the announcement to switch phones off is made. Of course, said idiots do not hang up until the plane takes off. 

They even act like people who ask them to hang up are being unreasonable. Because of course two minutes on a precious call is more important than the lives of all the people on the plane.

Then there's the problem that's common to any closed space: the diffusion of sounds and odours. Like loud conversations, bawling babies, or, worst of all, stinky farts.

And by "medicine" I mean odours and noises, obviously.

Then there are people who stand up as soon as the plane touches the ground. It's especially annoying when this is done by people who aren't in the aisle seats because they try and squeeze past other passengers when the plane is already slightly wobbly. Seriously, when they say the luggage in the overhead cabins might have shifted, it doesn't mean your luggage is going to jump out the plane as soon as it's on the ground.

There should be an accompanying announcement, such as "Passenger in Seat no. __ is anxious to get off the plane early. We are happy to oblige. Have a pleasant flight!"

I'm more than happy to have this as a solution for Problem #1 as well.

If you've been on several flights and haven't had an annoying person on the plane with you, you are one of the following: 1) incredibly fortunate 2) the annoying co-passenger 

If you're option 2, I don't suppose you realise who you are or even care, but I'll say this anyway: please do try and ensure you're not the one making every other tired passenger's journey more uncomfortable than it already is.

Dilemmas

It's important to know what your stance is on certain things. Then again, there are times when it's really hard to pick a side.

Tough choices.

Symbolic Poetry

Here's a poem inspired by my friend's idea of using 'p&a' instead of 'panda'. I could have used numbers and letter names too (well, I did use one number) but that would have been too easy. This took much longer to write than any of my other poems, but it was great fun, so no complaints.

I'm sure you know what these symbols are, but in case you're confused (since some of them can be called different names) here's what I meant:

* star        & and        . point        ✓ check        𝛑 pi        # hash        √ root        ^ caret        @ at

– dash        : colon        ↔ line        > greater than        , comma        = equal

Everyday Poems

Here are some mundane things I tried to make interesting by writing them down as poems.

Haiku for the Weekend

A haiku is like
A weekend. Hardly begins
And is then over.

Fruit Fly in Coffee - limerick

I thought to myself, "This fruit fly
In my coffee will drown and die."
But turns out that it
Drank a little bit
And became unnaturally high.

Fruit Fly in Coffee - haiku

I thought the fruit fly
In my coffee would drown, but
It just turned hyper.

Dairy-free "Ice Cream" - limerick+haiku

It seemed easy to make, so I
Gave dairy-free ice cream a try,
But I should have known
From the name alone
That it was a terrible lie.

So then I ate some
Ordinary ice cream from
A shop. It was yum.

Street Pics - haikus

I took a photo
of a pretty lane, and drew
a picture of it,

then took a photo
of the picture so I could
show it to some folks.

A few days later,
I came across the photo
on my computer.

I thought to myself,
"Wow, my picture looks just like
a photo. Yay me!"

But turned out it was
the original photo
I was looking at.

Masquerade Glasses  

My friend is getting glasses.

We were discussing frames
when suddenly, a brilliant
idea to me came.

Those masks in masquerade balls
or ones sold at a fair
could become frames for spectacles
you regularly wear.

They could use one-way mirrors
so the wearer can see
all of the world while hiding his
or her identity.

All those designs and colours!
Oh, wouldn't that be fine!
I'd have a dozen pairs, and I
would wear them all the time.

I'd made this as a decorative mask, but imagine it as a frame for glasses. Cool, right?

Until I have the time to design my own, here are a couple of images I'm borrowing from the mighty internet just to give you a clearer idea.

On Books

I've always loved reading, and I've always been happy to share my books with others. But borrowing from me comes with a set of rules:

I've been this way since I was about ten (if not younger). No, I'm not kidding. Yes, I was serious about the sanctity of paperback spines even as a kid. It happened after I looked closely at an uncle's bookshelf and noticed that the books were in mint condition even though he'd read them all.

Now there are some people who have this idea that "books should look like they've been read/ used". On the surface, this seems fine to me, since a book I've picked up looks the same after I've read it. I mean, all these books look read to me:

Needed an excuse to put up a photo of the loveliest library I've ever been in.

But what these monsters mean is that books need to look like they've been mutilated and have gone through some kind of hell. What a ridiculous notion!

One of the best things about Jess from Gilmore Girls (besides the fact that he's played by Milo Ventimiglia) is that he reads. Unfortunately, he seems to be on Team "Used"Books. He rolls up books to carry in his pocket. He creases the spines. He even writes in other people's books.

Come on, that's not how you're supposed to hold a book!!

Get a notebook! I didn't even make notes in my nicer textbooks in school. Sure, I drew all over my Little Miss Plump, but I was a wee kid and any blank space was a canvas.

I wonder if this ridiculous notion applies to other things they use. I always get a few kicks out of imagining these people mishandling their preciousss cellphones.

Does this look used enough? Why don't you chip the edges a little more and throw it into a bucket of water so it looks more used?

Please handle books with some respect, people. Don't scribble, tear, stretch, fold, add saliva, and so on. And please, PLEASE don't do this:

You don't even need a bookmark; just use any smallish object with a flat surface, like a cellphone.

You can have your book (in a decent state) and read it too. It's really not that hard.

Film Genres

Not quite sure what brought on this wave of craziness, but here we are. These are my alternate ways of remembering film genres. Who cares whether they're practical or not?

  Miss Tree can be very mysterious.

Exclamation of disgust followed by active shunning.

Can't have high school biology without such pictures.

Classroom: place where germs thrive

Communist version of Eddy (from 'Ed, Edd, and Eddy')

Almost like an alternate Rock, Paper, Scissors. Add one more plant and it could even be another Simon and Garfunkel song. (Plants are not drawn to scale, of course.)

The excitement over finding a cool dram.

Coolest fan, get it? And that guy on the right is taking a picture so he has proof to show Queen that he saw the fan in real life, and it wasn't just fantasy.

It certainly would be a 'hora' if they dropped the person in the chair.

Difficult type of film to make, but easy to represent.

Lint can be so upsetting you don't even want to speak.

Note to self: if a pirate is shushing you, something must be very wrong.

 This could be the name of a fraternity that loves sci-fi movies.

Excuse me if that phrase isn't correctly structured. I don't know Italian, so be happy it doesn't say "cannoli, Ventimiglia, regresa a mi, ciao"

Life and Ladders

For those of you who may find that hard to read (thanks to Blogger's uncooperative image sizing) here's the (Shel Silverstein-inspired?) poem:

A ladder isn’t just a ladder.

Ladders also represent life 

The ups and downs, the joy and strife.

The view from way up top is great, 

But it’s hard work - and maybe fate?

Don’t let the height make your head spin, 

But don’t forget where you begin.

It’s how you use your ladder, not 

The kind of ladder that you’ve got.

Some ladders are short, others tall, 

Some have flat rungs so you don’t fall,

And if you do fall, breathe, and then 

Make sure you get back up again

Unless you’ve fallen to your death. 

Okay, I think I’ve caught my breath.

I’ll now resume to climb in style 

Up to the roof to fix that tile.

Say What You Mean

As someone who usually takes things at face value, it is after much confusion and annoyance over the years that I've realized you often need to take what people say with a pinch of salt.

Of course, there are things you're naturally wary of, like advertisements or restaurant menus that seem too good to be true (because that's exactly what they are).
Sometimes, it's mildly amusing, like when someone you follow has other "followers you know".

How did they know Stephen Amell and I are best friends?

Sometimes, you quickly learn certain things are relative, such as coffee strength or distances:

But at times you realize that many people's understanding of certain words and concepts are nowhere close to what you assume is the real meaning. For example:

"I'm broke."

I suppose you could say that's relative too, but sometimes it's stretched a little too far.
Let me elaborate.
Fortunately, I've never been broke or claimed to be. So the closest I've been was probably in college when I was too lazy to go get money from the ATM.

Me: I only have ten rupees, so these are my dinner options:

My roommate: I'M SO BROKE!

Next day:

Misinterpretation works both ways, though. Like this one time when she was trying to buy something online and asked:

"I promise..."

I take promises very, very seriously, so I tend to believe people when they give me their word on something. If I actually use the word "promise" I make sure to follow through, no matter what. My 8-year-olds will tell you that I even treat pinkie swears with the utmost respect.

So if you say you "promise" to do something and then don't, you shouldn't blame me for flying into an irrational rage.
Especially if you try to brush it off (as many people do) with "promises are meant to be broken".

"Yes, I love reading."

I know it's kind of mean and condescending, but well...

Also, I've noticed that there are some people who, after I've completely trashed Chetan Bhagat, say something along the lines of "Yeah, I don't like him either... but I liked Two States. That was actually a really fun book."
It's almost always Two States that's mentioned in this kind of footnote. So either that IS better than his usual trash or (more likely) these people like his books and are just too embarrassed/polite to say so after I've expressed my intense aversion.


"I didn't sleep last night."

There have been very, very few days in my life when it's happened, but when I say I haven't slept, it's because I haven't slept. At all. So the reactions I got were initially quite confusing. All conversations on sleep deprivation went something like this:

And then, I made a marvellous discovery.
I found that people who said they hadn't slept really meant they'd slept very little (i.e. less than their usual quota). Most people I know say this when they've had four hours or less.
SO, when I say "no sleep", they assume I've got about two-four hours, which explains their alarm when I talk of sleep time in minutes.

My confusion is surely understandable. See, when I say I haven't slept at all, this is what my night is like:

  

  

The casual use of this hyperbole has resulted in me becoming cold, unsympathetic, and very impatient with such people.

 

I don't know how to end this post on a positive note, so I'll just leave this PSA here for everyone who knows me or other people like me: