Aeroplane Etiquette

As anyone who has been on an aeroplane knows, it doesn't take more than one annoying co-passenger to ruin everyone's flight. There are some great posts on The Oatmeal highlighting several terrible things about planes, but I'd like to add a few more common problems (and possible solutions)

For instance, I don't spend much time thinking about horrible ways in which I might die when I'm not on a plane. And the most irritating cause of death would be a plane crash caused by some douche who simply HAS to make a call after the announcement to switch phones off is made. Of course, said idiots do not hang up until the plane takes off. 

They even act like people who ask them to hang up are being unreasonable. Because of course two minutes on a precious call is more important than the lives of all the people on the plane.

Then there's the problem that's common to any closed space: the diffusion of sounds and odours. Like loud conversations, bawling babies, or, worst of all, stinky farts.

And by "medicine" I mean odours and noises, obviously.

Then there are people who stand up as soon as the plane touches the ground. It's especially annoying when this is done by people who aren't in the aisle seats because they try and squeeze past other passengers when the plane is already slightly wobbly. Seriously, when they say the luggage in the overhead cabins might have shifted, it doesn't mean your luggage is going to jump out the plane as soon as it's on the ground.

There should be an accompanying announcement, such as "Passenger in Seat no. __ is anxious to get off the plane early. We are happy to oblige. Have a pleasant flight!"

I'm more than happy to have this as a solution for Problem #1 as well.

If you've been on several flights and haven't had an annoying person on the plane with you, you are one of the following: 1) incredibly fortunate 2) the annoying co-passenger 

If you're option 2, I don't suppose you realise who you are or even care, but I'll say this anyway: please do try and ensure you're not the one making every other tired passenger's journey more uncomfortable than it already is.

"What's Up?"

Originally published on: 07/03/2011

It’s hard to chat with someone without the question “What’s up?” popping up at some point, and it’s slightly irritating because I hardly ever end up saying what I really want to.

How I’d like to respond, depending on the situation:

You will not believe what happened!

I just created the most powerful taser in the world, my boss quadrupled my salary, I met Westlife who sang to me for an hour, all the terrorists are dead, I’m eating a whole tub of ice cream right now, and everything’s perfect.

Everything is so messed up!

My 20 year old dog died, I was robbed on my way back home this evening, my boss fired me and gave my job to that smug moron, I’m out of coffee, I’m stranded in the middle of nowhere, and everybody hates me.

Too much work

I have to write a 10,000 word research paper, paint my room, clean up the mess in the garage, bake mushroom tarts and do so many other things by tomorrow that I don’t even have the time to breathe or tell you about half the stuff I have to do.

The weather is…

*Heartfelt rant about how wonderful or horrible the weather is*

Nothing. I don’t have a life

*Bored whining about how nothing is happening*

I’m not telling you

*Silence accompanied by silent laughter at having sufficiently dissuaded the other person*

The sky

(Another – and probably more annoying – way of saying “I’m not telling you”)

I already told you!

I spent the last 15 minutes answering that very question. How much more do you expect from my life? I’m done talking about what’s up with me, so stop asking me that and at least try to think of other questions if you have nothing to say about what’s up with you.

Luckily I do have friends who I can respond to in any of these ways, but with most other people, that question usually just makes me want to respond with another question: Do you really care?

But since one needs to try and be nice sometimes, I often go with the most vague and mundane reply ever: Nothing much.

The Untouchable

Originally published on: 06/03/2011

Everyone has some general knowledge of static electricity in human bodies, so I won’t go on about it, although I must mention that it’s been making its presence felt very often in the past few weeks thanks to the dry weather.

Most of the time it’s just annoying

Sometimes it’s dangerous.

Thankfully this hasn't happened to me or anyone I know, and I hope it never will. (By the way, I’m not wasting time drawing a better skeleton)

However, static really comes in handy sometimes:

After that happens a couple of times, you can afford to be like this:

PS – I still want a taser.

Pointless but fun things to do

Originally published on: 22/02/2011 (my birthday again)

Exploring places with Google Maps’ street view

My latest addiction. It’s like playing a racing game on your computer, except that you’re moving much slower. Also, there’s no one to overtake and no pedestrians to hit :(

Making annoying noises

This is fun in general, but especially so in boring classes. Students get distracted and annoyed, so teachers get distracted and annoyed, and there’s general confusion, so at least you’re not falling asleep. I love the popping sound Donkey (in Shrek 2) makes with his mouth, right after “Are we there yet?”. It’s contagious – you start and everyone else tries it too. Repeatedly opening and closing creaky doors so as to make the loudest creaks is also pretty wonderful. However, I’ve found that what annoys people (especially my teachers in school) more than anything else is the clicking of those pens which require you to press the back to make the nib come out.

Cursing Shakespeare

He might have been a genius, if you want to call him that, but when you have to study his work year after year, it gets to you! So it helps sometimes to argue about how overrated he is (and, consequently, gush about how awesome the Reduced Shakespeare Company is)

Spell check

For people like me, spotting errors in spelling comes naturally. I try hard to restrain myself from always pointing them out, but it’s satisfying to do so and get the necessary changes made (not to make myself feel smug but because spelling mistakes make me uncomfortable)

Isn’t it ironic?

One of the most fun things to do if you’re just a teeny weeny bit sadistic is point out when someone says something is ironic but it actually isn’t. In my experience, the ratio of people who use “irony” or “ironic” correctly to people who use it in all the wrong contexts is about 1:13

Scribbling on walls with big pencils

This is a little hard to do when you’re living with your parents and no longer 2 years old because they tend to get upset. The best you can do is try and get them to join you and discover how much fun it can be.

Playing with balloons

Dribbling a balloon against the wall to see how long you can keep it up may sound like a stupid thing to do, but it’s unbelievably addictive. Another alternative is tossing it into the air and not letting it touch the ground. It’s equally fun, but not as challenging.

Paper rockets

Making them is fun, and flying them is even better. I got into a spot of trouble in high school for flying one in class because it almost hit the teacher, but it was worth it. Paper boats are fun too, but only if you have water to float them on.

Hey, that’s a song!

Anyone who loves music enough will understand the kick one gets out of recognizing something someone says as lyrics to a song. For me it happens all the time :)

Calling people Ignoramus.

Best insult ever. You don’t need to censor it, it’s relevant in a lot of situations, and the best thing about using it is that most of the time, the victim’s response is “What?” :D :D :D :D

I couldn’t think of anything to draw for this post so I wanted to put up a few photos and links to make it more interesting, but I’d rather not do that right now with my limited knowledge of copyright laws. I just started the blog and I would NOT enjoy getting sued.