Hanger Games

Every once in a while, inspiration comes from the most unlikely sources, such as a trending hashtag you happen to see one day. This one behind this post was #DressAFilm

Movies referenced here: Kill Bill, Scarface, The Hunger Games, Die Hard, Die Another Day, and How the West Was Won. Oh, and also Take the Lead (but that was accidental, so there isn't a dressed version of that here).

Film Genres

Not quite sure what brought on this wave of craziness, but here we are. These are my alternate ways of remembering film genres. Who cares whether they're practical or not?

  Miss Tree can be very mysterious.

Exclamation of disgust followed by active shunning.

Can't have high school biology without such pictures.

Classroom: place where germs thrive

Communist version of Eddy (from 'Ed, Edd, and Eddy')

Almost like an alternate Rock, Paper, Scissors. Add one more plant and it could even be another Simon and Garfunkel song. (Plants are not drawn to scale, of course.)

The excitement over finding a cool dram.

Coolest fan, get it? And that guy on the right is taking a picture so he has proof to show Queen that he saw the fan in real life, and it wasn't just fantasy.

It certainly would be a 'hora' if they dropped the person in the chair.

Difficult type of film to make, but easy to represent.

Lint can be so upsetting you don't even want to speak.

Note to self: if a pirate is shushing you, something must be very wrong.

 This could be the name of a fraternity that loves sci-fi movies.

Excuse me if that phrase isn't correctly structured. I don't know Italian, so be happy it doesn't say "cannoli, Ventimiglia, regresa a mi, ciao"

Jungle Book Fever

Watched The Jungle Book a couple of days ago and have been in fangirl mode ever since. Here's a TJB-inspired picture I made. Hopefully there'll be more soon.

Also, Happy Earth Day!

UPDATE: It's been a month since I said I'd draw some more pictures, so here are a few I made today.

I'd had a very specific image of Kaa in my head for a long time. Unfortunately, when I tried to transfer that onto paper, it looked nothing like what I'd imagined.

I tried making a picture on my computer too (thank you, Clipart leaves and trees) but to my greatest dismay, both my attempts have ended up looking like they were drawn by 10 year olds. In fact, 10 year old me has made nicer pictures. But I absolutely deserve points for trying.

Shere Khan. And the whole fire thing, you know.

And a brighter picture of the first one I drew.

  
I also wanted to draw Baloo and Bagheera, but after what happened with Kaa, I don't really feel like it right now. I might try some other time, though.

Sad Truths I Learnt from Dilwale

It's been over a week since I watched Dilwale, but it still haunts me every now and then, so I wanted to write about things it did wrong before realizing that that would come down to just one word: everything. Wouldn't make for much of a post. The other alternative was taking apart the whole movie bit by bit, but that's really not an option unless you're willing to entirely lose your sanity.

Over the years, I've watched a lot of terrible movies, and I've actually enjoyed some of them. I generally like Bollywood and have been blessed with the power of switching my brain off while watching trash, so I can usually sit through almost anything, Also, I love SRK and Kajol, so while I wasn't expecting this to be a good film, I assumed I could manage to enjoy it. How hard could it be?

I have to say, it exceeded my expectations. After a few minutes of cringing and eye-rolling at the very beginning, I realized it was one of those movies that you can't even make fun of because it's just not worth it.
So I decided to look at it as a sad reflection of our lives these days.


Bollywood songs

Just ONE song that's reasonably good or catchy or memorable in some way is something that even the worst of movies (and "artists" - I'm looking at you, Yo-Yo Honey Singh) manage to include in their repertoire. When you think of Bollywood, you tend to think of music as an integral element in a film.

A lot of movies whose names people forgot even before they were released contained songs that have remained popular for a long time. Take Waisa Bhi Hota Hai Part 2. What's that, you ask? The movie which, apart from being a standalone film and not the second part of a series despite its name, gave us Allah Ke Bande. As a 90s kid, the other examples that immediately come to mind are Chamma Chamma (from China Gate), Choodi Jo Khanke Haathon Mein (Pyaar Koi Khel Nahin), Musu Musu Haasi (Pyaar Mein Kabhi Kabhi), and of course Bin Tere Sanam (Yara Dildara).

Other good-but-unpopular/generally terrible movies you might just remember as having briefly existed if you played one or two songs from the soundtrack.

     

 

   

    

    

    

I don't listen to too many film songs these days, but there's Ek Tha Villain which gave us Galliyaan and Fukrey which, apart from being a really strange sounding word, is the movie that the lovely Ambarsariya is from.

Sorry for getting carried away and rambling on like a Sanjay Leela Bhansali film. My point is, even before we started having films that were serious and intense and (supposedly) better than their frivolous counterparts, we had great soundtracks.
Unfortunately, Dilwale makes a strong case for people who think songs in movies are annoying and unnecessary. If it's boring or contributes absolutely nothing to the movie (or in this case, both) it shouldn't be allotted exclusive movie time.


Copyright infringement?

I thought passing off other people's stuff as one's original work in Bollywood was mostly restricted to the music industry, specifically Anu Malik. But apparently we're lifting entire scenes now, and not necessarily the ones that are legen-waitforit...
Also, people who are clearly not over How I Met Your Mother yet, please move on.


Badass girls are not so badass after all

Kajol's character started off as dumb and annoying, but I thought she was awesome as a mafia heiress when she wasn't pretending to be dumb and annoying. But woe and behold, a few more minutes into the movie and she'd turned into some sappy woman with half a brain.
I have nothing to say about the plank of wood that was her sister. The only reason I even remember her name is because of the repetitive attempt to make people laugh at "Ishu, yeh toh bahut bada issue ho gaya".


Heroines must have painted faces

Especially if they're not white enough. Why else would they take someone with a face like Kajol's and make her look like a mime artist?

I swear she looks a lot like this.

I'd understand if the movie was made in the 90s because back then, that's the kind of makeup they used on poor little children like us during school shows. Funnily enough, 90s makeup on the DDLJ cast didn't look so bad. At least they looked natural, if nothing else.


Movie colours must match heroine's painted face.

Yes, people enhance colours in many of their pictures, but you'd think a big budget movie for mass consumption would show some restraint instead of just throwing together every single colour that exists.
The garish scenes might be due to the fact that a large part of the film is shot in Goa. I know it's stupid to be offended by this excessiveness when every other thing about the movie is offensive, but Goa is really pretty, unlike the tacky mess Dilwale shows us.


Varun Dhawan is about as smart as the character he plays

His character is generally clueless about everything, and now everyone knows VD is equally clueless about movies.

Um... no. Also, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Anything is fine if you do it for family, apparently

Johnny Lever is caught stealing, and when he says he's doing it because he has a brother to look after, SRK, instead of chastising him for setting a bad example, is all like:

The adoption problem

Here's the gist of conversations that lead to a supposedly big tragedy in the film:
Kajol: Your brother is adopted.

VD: What crap! You're lying.

Kajol: I'm not, dumbass. Go ask him.

VD (to SRK): Are you adopted?

SRK: Yes.

VD: *Oh no! I feel so betrayed. I'm going to sit here and cry*

What's the problem, VD? If he's your natural brother, he's bound by the movie's family code to look after you. If he's adopted and has looked after you like you're family instead of ditching you for being a moron, shouldn't that make you happy?
Oh, sorry, I forgot you're not very smart.

Yay Karan Johar?

Dilwale reminds you that all those SRK-Karan Johar movies you made fun of were, in comparison, pretty awesome. I mean, you could laugh with/at Kuch Kuch Hota Hai despite the irritating and heavily flawed system upon which it was based.

Should I have put in spoiler alerts? Oh well, here's the only one that's important, in case you don't know it already: Dilwale is a disaster.

Let's hope the new year will have fewer bad movies that are so hyped.

"Inane musical melodrama" vs. "heartwarming fairy-tale"

"The music is all around us; all you have to do is listen." 

That has to be one of the loveliest movie quotes ever. Watched August Rush today and wondered why I didn't do it years ago. The story may be extremely implausible and filled with coincidences, especially at the end, but like I always say, what's the point of making films if they aren't sometimes a little different from real life? Sure, it's predictable, but there's got to be something good there if it keeps you watching when you know how it's going to end.

Freddie Highmore plays protagonist - a musical prodigy who won't stop believing that following the music will somehow lead him to his parents - and looks absolutely adorable. The film has some beautiful shots, cute Jonathan Rhys Meyers, cute other-guy-who-was-in-The-Back-up-Plan-whose-name-I-don't-remember, cute little black girl whose name I don't know, and Robin Williams. Then of course, there's the glorious uplifting music and the general feel good factor.

Surprisingly, from what I've seen of the reviews, most people hated it! This is more true of critics than of general audiences, though. Most of them simply have a problem with it being too sweet, like this one

You'll have to swallow this gooey confection whole or spit it out after the first couple of bites.

Lawrence Toppman, Charlotte Observer

Yeah. There are several reviews like this one. Come on, it's supposed to be that way! I've never seen anyone give Inglourious Basterds a bad rating for being too gory. IG was a good movie, so I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it; I just think it's a little disturbing that people find an excess of gore more appealing than excessive sweetness. Here's one that sounds both grand and unflattering at the same time.

Feels like the cinematic equivalent of being stuffed with fruitcake and doused with a gallon of egg nog, so if that's the sort of thing you go in for  around the holidays...

Carina Chocano, Los Angeles Times 

I applaud the creative description, but there's nothing else I can say in response to that. I like this one:

If you approach it with the right attitude, it's impossible not to be moved by this tale of music, loss, and passion.

 Brian Tallerico, The Deadbolt 

That's what I'm talking about! Here's a similar one which sums it up perfectly (and in beautiful words):

Will not be for everyone, but it works if you surrender to its lilting and unabashedly sentimental tale of evocative music and visual poetry. 

Claudia Puig, USA Today

To me, the film was, simply put, beautiful and inspiring. Time to wipe the dust off my keyboard and violin case, and see what I can do.   

As for the people who hated the film for flimsy reasons, all I can say is, they're clearly not listening. 

Where Have All The Good Films Gone?

Watching television at someone's place yesterday, hoping to see some exciting new movie trailers, and all I could see was Salman Khan's constipated-looking face across most channels. That guy needs to either retire or start playing roles which suit his age (preferably the first) instead of doing stupid dances and looking so pleased at being flanked by 20-something year old girls.


Really, what's happening to the industry right now? Haven't heard of a single good film in the past three months. This year hasn't brought with it too many movies I've really felt like watching, let alone a single movie I've watched and rated as good. Hindi films seem to stupid to be watchable. Check out some of these:

  (I'd need to have an extra-crazy family to voluntarily watch that)

Unfortunately, I did watch this, thanks to mom's enthusiasm. Needless to say, the movie was stupid. Madhavan and Kangana Ranaut have never been more annoying!

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!!!!!!! Looks like it could be soft porn, but it's probably worse.

The poster with the random people says it all, if the name hadn't already done the job.

Thank you mom for not making me watch this!

This was actually one of the more interesting looking films, but I heard it's terrible, so...

Please! The very title is off-putting

Wow, this actually looks more classy than the poster in the cinema hall near my house. 

With the number of dumb people out there, this might actually do well.

I wonder how Dilli Chalo is. It looked not too bad, and at least it has actors I like. Heard that I Am is good, but I don't see it in theatres anywhere.

All the new English movies I hear of seem to have doomsday themes - Battle Los Angeles, Black Death, Thor, etc. And really, who wants to watch The Hangover Part II? Didn't even like the first movie (excuse me for not being that crass) and the second one is apparently exactly the same, but in a different location. 
How many Pirates of the Caribbean movies can one watch? Oh wait, this has Johnny Depp AND Penelope Cruz. Okay, I might watch that. Thank goodness Kung Fu Panda II is coming up soon!


To all my friends who have given me movies, I love you. It's thanks to them and my laptop that I manage to watch some good movies in bleak times like these. For example, yesterday I watched No Reservations, and loved it! Then again, how can you not love a movie with brilliant Catherine Zeta-Jones playing the lead character, against a backdrop of food? Aaron Eckhart was charming, and Abigail Breslin was surprisingly sweet. Nothing revolutionary, but a heartwarming story well told. 

Watch the trailer: http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi295567641/ Then watch the movie. Because feel good films rule!

Entrance Exam Blunders - Part II

I don't even want to start on the grammar part, so I'm going directly to the essays about reactions to the death of Osama Bin Laden. They're not all huge blunders, but they're quite funny. Here are a few of the responses we got: 

"Osama Bin Laden!!! Wow!!! great topic!! Ok.... all I know is..."

"Osama bin laden is one of the most famous terrorist who is known for the 9/11 crash or the world trade centre crash."

"The way the 7 wonders of the world are famous in universe, in the same way Osama Bin laden was famous for terror."

"I honestly care a damn for him."

"He is one of the major antisocial element of all times." 

"The President of USA Obama, has given the information that Osama is a terrorist he killed many lives if he is still alive he may kill people around the world."

"He used to hide from everyone as he was scared from the death."

"It looked, as though, he would survive for 100 more years."

"OSAMA-BIN-LADEN was shot dead wright in the head, the very fact gave and set in new spirite of joy and happyness among us."

"Looking at the response of the people all over the world i had goose bums." (Hee hee!)

"Should I rejoice or have my head banging with several questions like How? When? What?"

"I honestly was neither happy nor sad, because when Osama was at his hide out, I was least bothered out to google him out. But you never know, just like Sadam Hussain had 8 replicas, and Osama is far more shrewd then Sadam. I wonder how many he would have! LOL!"

"When I got this news I was very happy as Osama is killed by the Americans as he had only destroyed the World Trade Center in Year 1999."

"Its kind of terrible feeling we get when we hear such news. But then terrorism is increasing, and hopefully now after Osama's death it gets decreased."

"I am very delightful and feels save that the most wanted criminal is dead."

"I felt satisfied at my sole because many souls were rest to peace. The one who does evil, evil comes to him."

"Come to think of the several innocent lives for no particular reason he's plotted against, the number of ambitious souls he's made blinded to the future, and the number of innocent infants he's made orphans out of."

"But however, although the criminals who assisinated him soon agreed volunteerly about the murder Obama openly proclaimed that the murder was committed according to his order."

"The chaser seem very happy and pleased As the Encounter if i can say has Rest in Peace. This constant news update makes me wonder what is it that buzzing in Bush's mind happy to be untouched and unblamed or unhappy so to loose one of his products."

"I believe in 'The Almighty'. He sees and knows everything. I know and am sure, God will punish him one fine day and so he did."

"God is there. No to worries. Enjoy life in all its myriad colours."

"In my place, the mother's always tell there babies while feeding them that "Osama will Come" and the kids used to eat fast. But now I think none of the mothers will say "Osama will Come" ever again."

"The earth now is cleansed. The avenge has been taken. Osama Bin laden has tasted his own medecine this death has taught me so many things. Things like, you know: Do good, you'll get the good. Do bad, you'll get it back again."

"It was height time Osama saw Hell, for all the innocent lives he has taken away. R.I.P. Osama Bin Landen."

Besides all that, many people don't seem to know what "write in verse" means. Then there was another section where people had to identify the movie each famous dialogue belonged to. You'd think people would do well there, right? Well, you're sadly mistaken. An awful lot of people don't seem to know of any movies besides Twilight, P.S. I Love You, and A Walk To Remember. 

One thing that stood out was how several seemed to think "I'll be back" is from Titanic. Imagine this from a drowning guy:

Creepy, huh? 

Well, at least it's not from a movie about OBL!