Just Keep Singin'

A few months ago, I heard something weird(er than usual) from the kids on the school bus.

Too shocked to actually say anything, I turned around and gave them a long stare which simply received a nonchalant "what?" So, still mortified, I just turned back around and continued to try and ignore them while conflicting thoughts raced through my head.

And then I remembered the 90's.
I thought about the kind of pop music we'd hear all the time. A medley of the likes of Vengaboys, Aqua, Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, Boyzone, Spice Girls, 5ive, 98 Degrees, etc. in all their colourful mediocrity and annoyingly infectious glory. (I still remember the first English music video I ever saw: Hit Me Baby One More Time. I still remember how old I was, whose house I saw it in, and that flash of recognition once the music started.)

Of course we sang these songs all the time, without knowing what they meant. For example, the song Genie in a Bottle has very different implications when you're 10 and when you're 20.
Another popular song, especially for dance contests in school, was Vengaboys's Boom Boom Boom. The chorus goes something like this:
Boom boom boom boom\ I want you in my room\ Let's spend the night together\ Together in my room

8-year-old brain interpretation: 

*Another misunderstood Vengaboys song. As I realized only a few months ago, it's "going to Ibiza", not "going to eat pizza". Learn how to pronounce 'Ibiza', Vengaboys!

Adult (I say 'adult' optimistically) brain:

Often, we sang without even knowing the lyrics. This is from an actual conversation I had with a friend in my class.

We were very creative when it came to making up strange lyrics that sounded like the originals.

It was "pour some Dom Perignon and hit the lights out", but how in the world are pre-teens supposed to know that? Besides, if we'd known the actual lyrics, I bet our discussions would have revolved around who Dom Perignon was and how you could possibly pour... okay, never mind. Let's just move on to the next line.

At an age where love is such a vague, abstract concept, and when a phrase involves the word, you naturally assume it's... something like this?

Not that it mattered much. All we really cared about was singing it exactly like Blue did, especially the high Lee Ryan parts.

So maybe the kids singing Anaconda and such will look back a few years later and have parts of their childhood ruined. Beyond that, I don't know, either they'll be scarred for life or they'll get over it after a while, hopefully enough to be comfortable with it and maybe even enjoy it.

Sad Truths I Learnt from Dilwale

It's been over a week since I watched Dilwale, but it still haunts me every now and then, so I wanted to write about things it did wrong before realizing that that would come down to just one word: everything. Wouldn't make for much of a post. The other alternative was taking apart the whole movie bit by bit, but that's really not an option unless you're willing to entirely lose your sanity.

Over the years, I've watched a lot of terrible movies, and I've actually enjoyed some of them. I generally like Bollywood and have been blessed with the power of switching my brain off while watching trash, so I can usually sit through almost anything, Also, I love SRK and Kajol, so while I wasn't expecting this to be a good film, I assumed I could manage to enjoy it. How hard could it be?

I have to say, it exceeded my expectations. After a few minutes of cringing and eye-rolling at the very beginning, I realized it was one of those movies that you can't even make fun of because it's just not worth it.
So I decided to look at it as a sad reflection of our lives these days.


Bollywood songs

Just ONE song that's reasonably good or catchy or memorable in some way is something that even the worst of movies (and "artists" - I'm looking at you, Yo-Yo Honey Singh) manage to include in their repertoire. When you think of Bollywood, you tend to think of music as an integral element in a film.

A lot of movies whose names people forgot even before they were released contained songs that have remained popular for a long time. Take Waisa Bhi Hota Hai Part 2. What's that, you ask? The movie which, apart from being a standalone film and not the second part of a series despite its name, gave us Allah Ke Bande. As a 90s kid, the other examples that immediately come to mind are Chamma Chamma (from China Gate), Choodi Jo Khanke Haathon Mein (Pyaar Koi Khel Nahin), Musu Musu Haasi (Pyaar Mein Kabhi Kabhi), and of course Bin Tere Sanam (Yara Dildara).

Other good-but-unpopular/generally terrible movies you might just remember as having briefly existed if you played one or two songs from the soundtrack.

     

 

   

    

    

    

I don't listen to too many film songs these days, but there's Ek Tha Villain which gave us Galliyaan and Fukrey which, apart from being a really strange sounding word, is the movie that the lovely Ambarsariya is from.

Sorry for getting carried away and rambling on like a Sanjay Leela Bhansali film. My point is, even before we started having films that were serious and intense and (supposedly) better than their frivolous counterparts, we had great soundtracks.
Unfortunately, Dilwale makes a strong case for people who think songs in movies are annoying and unnecessary. If it's boring or contributes absolutely nothing to the movie (or in this case, both) it shouldn't be allotted exclusive movie time.


Copyright infringement?

I thought passing off other people's stuff as one's original work in Bollywood was mostly restricted to the music industry, specifically Anu Malik. But apparently we're lifting entire scenes now, and not necessarily the ones that are legen-waitforit...
Also, people who are clearly not over How I Met Your Mother yet, please move on.


Badass girls are not so badass after all

Kajol's character started off as dumb and annoying, but I thought she was awesome as a mafia heiress when she wasn't pretending to be dumb and annoying. But woe and behold, a few more minutes into the movie and she'd turned into some sappy woman with half a brain.
I have nothing to say about the plank of wood that was her sister. The only reason I even remember her name is because of the repetitive attempt to make people laugh at "Ishu, yeh toh bahut bada issue ho gaya".


Heroines must have painted faces

Especially if they're not white enough. Why else would they take someone with a face like Kajol's and make her look like a mime artist?

I swear she looks a lot like this.

I'd understand if the movie was made in the 90s because back then, that's the kind of makeup they used on poor little children like us during school shows. Funnily enough, 90s makeup on the DDLJ cast didn't look so bad. At least they looked natural, if nothing else.


Movie colours must match heroine's painted face.

Yes, people enhance colours in many of their pictures, but you'd think a big budget movie for mass consumption would show some restraint instead of just throwing together every single colour that exists.
The garish scenes might be due to the fact that a large part of the film is shot in Goa. I know it's stupid to be offended by this excessiveness when every other thing about the movie is offensive, but Goa is really pretty, unlike the tacky mess Dilwale shows us.


Varun Dhawan is about as smart as the character he plays

His character is generally clueless about everything, and now everyone knows VD is equally clueless about movies.

Um... no. Also, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Anything is fine if you do it for family, apparently

Johnny Lever is caught stealing, and when he says he's doing it because he has a brother to look after, SRK, instead of chastising him for setting a bad example, is all like:

The adoption problem

Here's the gist of conversations that lead to a supposedly big tragedy in the film:
Kajol: Your brother is adopted.

VD: What crap! You're lying.

Kajol: I'm not, dumbass. Go ask him.

VD (to SRK): Are you adopted?

SRK: Yes.

VD: *Oh no! I feel so betrayed. I'm going to sit here and cry*

What's the problem, VD? If he's your natural brother, he's bound by the movie's family code to look after you. If he's adopted and has looked after you like you're family instead of ditching you for being a moron, shouldn't that make you happy?
Oh, sorry, I forgot you're not very smart.

Yay Karan Johar?

Dilwale reminds you that all those SRK-Karan Johar movies you made fun of were, in comparison, pretty awesome. I mean, you could laugh with/at Kuch Kuch Hota Hai despite the irritating and heavily flawed system upon which it was based.

Should I have put in spoiler alerts? Oh well, here's the only one that's important, in case you don't know it already: Dilwale is a disaster.

Let's hope the new year will have fewer bad movies that are so hyped.

No Nos.

Phones are helpful when you need to check the time, but when I'm at home, I still rely on the wall clock. Whose dial started falling apart a couple of weeks ago. Soon, part of it was torn and hanging off the surface, which made all three hands stop at that point even though the battery was still working.

So when I took the dial off, I decided to replace it with something slightly more creative than the regular digits on a clock. Not that I didn't have more pressing work to do, but drawing on a wall clock is probably the next best thing to drawing on a wall, and who doesn't want to do that? Also, I'm surprisingly focused with stuff like this, especially when there are more important things to be done. Anyway, this is what it looks like now.

Most of it is easy to figure out, but I do tend to have outlandish ideas sometimes, so maybe this might make more sense with an explanation. Not that anyone really needs to know what my clock looks like, but it's another of my attempts to "make good art", so here goes:



1. Unicorn (or unihorn, as I like to call it)

Simple enough to understand, I'm sure. Unicorn = one horn. Could have used a rhino if I'd wanted it to be more representative of where I come from, but anyway...
Also, unicorns are unique. One of a kind.

2. Yin and Yang

Also pretty obvious, the two main balancing forces of the universe and all that jazz.

3. The Fates

There's the one who spins the thread, the one who measures it, and the one who cuts, so here's the spindle, a measuring tape, and scissors. And the thread of life, of course.

4. Seasons of Love

A combination of two things that come in fours: seasons - summer (sun), spring (leaf), monsoon (water drops. Maybe a dry leaf if you're from a place with autumn instead), and winter (snowflakes. We don't have snow - or proper winter, really - in most parts of the country, but I like drawing snowflakes). Also, the human heart has four chambers. Seasons + heart = awesome Rent song.

5. Pentagram = Elements

Representation of the five elements in harmony. Not sure how harmonious mine are with the pentagram being that wonky, but life isn't perfect anyway.

6. Death                                      

Most people would probably relate sixes with abs or beer or cricket, but for some reason, the only thing I could think of was how when you die, you're put six feet under. A coffin seemed too morbid to draw on a clock. It would be like an ominous voice going "Your time is up! Muhahahaha!"
I love Terry Pratchett, so Death it is. Also, this looks a lot cooler than a can of beer although the latter would have been easier to draw.

                                                                                                               

7. Music + Rainbow

Another combination: a treble clef (which isn't really a musical note, but it conveys the idea) and what appears to be blank music sheets with extra lines but is supposed to be the seven colours of the rainbow. The dial was supposed to be multicoloured. In my defence, all the colours combined give you white, so there.

8. Octopus

Pretty obvious, with the eight tentacles.

9. Cat

Nine lives. Again, simple and obvious.

10. Bowling Pins

The most boring one of the lot, in my opinion, but I couldn't think of anything else. Funny, considering how I seem to round things to the nearest ten so often while counting.
A much cooler idea would have been numbers, but the whole point of doing this was to avoid using digits.

11. Football + Movie

Eleven people on a football team, as you know. But the thing I immediately associated with "eleven" was "Ocean's", i.e. the movie. So there you have what is supposed to be an ocean wave. I'm cheesy, I know. But at least I didn't draw George Clooney.

12. Zodiac Signs

There are twelve signs in all, but I only drew the one that's generally considered the twelfth. Also, it's my sign, so I had no scruples about choosing it over the others.




Not bad for an accidental project, right? So, to paraphrase Gaiman, whenever things fall apart or there's too much stuff you don't want to do that needs to be done, (or even when everything in your life is absolutely lovely) here's the best thing you can do: make good art.
Or at least make, and hopefully it'll be art, and good.

A Minor Update

This is more like an extension of a previous post rather than a proper post in itself, but the thought struck me while I was attempting to play my guitar today, so here we are.

This is Chord Overstreet:

And so is this:

This is him when he was little:

I love whoever put up this picture.

So if I had to make a graphic representation of a kid version of him, it would be this:

I'm afraid you won't get it unless you know something about guitar chords. To people who do get it, I can only hope you find it as amusing as I did (though I doubt you will). Well, I tried.

To Do or Not to Do

Because this always happens to me, no matter how I try . . .

Hopefully this holiday will be more productive than usual.

Presents?

It's that time of the year again when almost everyone is anticipating presents. And I can't think of presents without thinking of this scene from 30 Rock:

For those of you who didn't want to wait for a video to load (although that's a short clip totally worth watching) this is basically it:

Dotcom:    Hey Trey, we just picked up your birthday party invitations from the printer.
Tracy:        Wait, What is this? "Give to charity please. No presents."?
Dotcom:    Yeah, that's what you told me to put on the card.
Tracy:        No Dotcom, I said "give to charity? Please, no! PRESENTS!"

Haven't you wondered why people talk about the two things like it's an either/or situation? You have people who spend absurd amounts of money on things they don't need (although anything must seem practical after the gifts baby Jesus was given) and others who act like they're sacrificing everything by buying stuff for less fortunate people instead of for themselves.
However, cynical optimist that I am, I like to think it's because awesome people don't talk a lot about their presents or how much they're doing for society, or both.

Christmas to me usually means music and food and family. The whole wrapped presents under the tree affair doesn't excite me much, partly because we don't have a tree and partly because I like to get presents when I need them. We're not a family that gets new clothes and stuff just because it happens to be festival time or someone's birthday. Besides, I have very specific and limited wants that no one seems to get. Presents never happen.

Okay, that's not true; we get presents when we get presents, and the more unexpected the timing, the better. I was simply thinking of one of my favourite lines from James Valentine's Jumpman series. It's been several years since I read it, so these may not be the exact words, but it went something like this:
The past is gone, the future is unknown, and the present never happens.

This character in the book explains how, for example, when you consider the idea of the present being now, by the time you've said or thought "now", it's already in the past. Like you're reading this now. It's already happened. Mind-blowing, come to think of it.

So, Christmas is upon us and I shall enjoy it. Doesn't matter that I won't get a present. Not presently, at least. Or now. Or now. Well, you get the idea.
Have an extraordinary merry Christmas!

Makes Me Wonder

There are certain things about this world that should probably not confuse me so much, but they do. For instance . . .

Car racing

At some point, mankind decided we aren't messed up enough already, so we should build some fancy cars that'll guzzle tons of petrol but which people will never drive on roads or do anything useful with.

Douchebags.

Ryan Gosling

I just don't get it. Sure, he's not bad looking and he's not a bad actor, but there is nothing about him that justifies the hordes of starry-eyed girls who start squealing at the very mention of his name. 

This is where I'd put up a picture of him 

to explain my indifference 

if I liked or hated him enough 

to have a picture of him on my blog. 

Justin Bieber

What up with all the hate? He sounds better than the other famous kids who sing these days, he's a decent dancer, he produces some of his music (I think), and he's adorable. Okay, not so adorable any more. Still, he has some pretty good songs. Disliking him is understandable, but to hate him enough to devote so much time and energy into channelling that hate is a little abnormal. Come on, if you don't like him, ignore him. No one's forcing him on you.

Ambidextrous confusion

It's befuddling how most people are wired. If you can do something with one hand, it's only logical that you should be able to do it just as well with the other hand. I'm sure science has explanations, but it seems wrong to not be ambidextrous when we have bilaterally symmetrical bodies. I mean, have you ever heard anyone ask which foot you use more? We're SUPPOSED to be able to use both hands equally well.

Another thing I don't understand is people who make me have conversations like this:

All right, I haven’t thought of shunning the non-believers before.

Anyway, I've realized conversations like this are easier:

Other people: Oh, you're a leftie?

Me: Yes.

Other people, later: Hey, you're using your right hand!

Me: Yes.

Other people: So which do you use more while writing?

Me, ever so sweetly: Whichever I want.

It’s not that I don’t use a certain hand more often than the other to do some things; it’s just annoying when people try to label you as left-handed or right-handed, especially when they seem to ardently believe that how you write is the only thing that matters.

Why do people care so much about writing anyway? First off, most people hardly write by hand any more thanks to computers and phones and the like. Secondly, when did writing become the most important thing we do? Why don't people ask about things we all do every day, like which hand you eat with or brush your teeth with or wash your butt with after pooping? Fine, I know why people might avoid that last one, but you get the point, yes?

People who don't like rain and/or chocolate

Rain is beautiful. Rain is inspiring. Rain makes everything brighter and cleaner. Rain (usually) gives some relief from blinding sunlight and makes the weather perfect for junk food, coffee, hot chocolate . . .

I don't get why people would not like chocolate. To not like some kinds of chocolate is fine. To not like ANY sort of chocolate? Disturbing.

Why feet are shunned

So you’re sitting on the floor and your feet happen to point towards someone. The first person to notice will try to catch your attention and make you change your sitting position in as discreet a manner as possible. If this doesn’t work, said person will proceed to get anxious because if more people notice your blasphemous feet, you’re disrespectful and there’s going to be hell to pay.

Now unless your feet are really dirty, there's no good reason why it should bother anyone. What's all the fuss about? Are you going to accuse the feet for not being more flexible or altogether invisible? Like they don't do enough for us already! Feet really are taken for granted and not appreciated nearly as much as they should be. Be nice to your feet, people!

Why guys wear so much deodorant

I wonder which came first, the advertisements with guys who wear too much deo or the actual guys who wear too much deo. It's perfectly understandable why selfish deo companies have ads like that, but are guys stupid enough to fall for that or are brands tapping into some unknown-to-others system in guys that makes them use a can as a single helping?

Either way, the stench has terrible effects on normal people's olfactory senses. And oh, it does NOT make you attractive. At all.

Mobile phone sizes

When we went from landlines to cordless phones to cellphones, I naturally assumed phones were getting smaller so they were more, you know, mobile.

But then at some point, there was this conspiracy I was completely unaware of and suddenly things started going the other way around. Mobile phones went from something you could easily operate with one hand to something you needed two hands to hold carefully to something you could no longer carry in your pockets unless you got yourself a magician's coat. And I still can't help but snigger silently when I see something like this:

Sure, I’ve never heard anyone actually say that, but it looks awfully inconvenient.

Music

Not so much confusing as incredibly amazing. Seven notes is basically all we have, and there are millions of songs and so many different genres it's mind blowing. It's nothing short of magic to me. It’s like books, but slightly more fascinating for reasons I don't quite know how to explain.

Many new songs these days sound like stuff I’ve heard before. If we ever reach a point when people find there's no new music, that's when the world should end. Hopefully we'll all be dead by then and it won't happen any time soon because you've got the music in yoooouu . . . health insurance rip off, lying, FDA, big bankers buying, fake computer crashes, dying . . . sorry, I got distracted by the awesomeness of that song.

Right, I think I'm done now.