Presents are nice. Or at least they have the potential to be nice. Some of the worst presents I got were souvenirs from other countries. Of course, many people have brought me lovely things from their travels, but more often than not, people buy junk. The problem is they usually do this with the best of intentions.
"Here's a piece of crap from another continent to remind you of the time I went to Paris and you didn't" -Demetri Martin (possibly paraphrased) on souvenirs
Giving people souvenirs can be a pain for many reasons, some of which I've mentioned before. We may not like to admit it, but sometimes, receiving them can also be inconvenient. A lot of gifts are one or many of the following: large, heavy, ugly, useless.
Here's my rating of some commonly gifted souvenirs:
Let's break it down. To keep things objective, I'm assuming all these things are aesthetically pleasing.
- Keychains
This is nice at first. A keychain is not too big (hopefully) and it sure is useful. But how many does the average person use? Two? Maybe three, at the most. The keychains that follow become awkwardly-shaped items which take up precious storage space - a big box or even a small shelf.
- Trinkets/ lockets/ earrings/ charms
Very hit-or-miss depending on how well the buyer knows you. On the plus side, if you think something doesn't suit you, you can always gift it to someone else who is more likely to use it.
- Chocolates
If you're the kind of person who thinks all chocolate-like items are delicious, then hurray, you'll never be disappointed. But you'll probably be a terrible chocolate gifter who genuinely believes people like Bounty.
I've had a couple of people bring me amazing chocolates, but I've also had enough Hershey's Kisses and Ooty chocolates for life. And if I never see a Bounty bar again, it'll be too soon.
- Magnets
Unimaginative, but safe, neutral, and not bad at all. You don't have to worry about storage space, and you can use them to hold up notes on your fridge. The best ones are also functional as bottle openers, tape dispensers, thermometers, hooks, and other things. Also, if you're a parent with kids who announce before bedtime that they need a magnet for an experiment in school the next day, you just yank one off the fridge.
- T-shirts
Unless you've bought it at a proper store (and sometimes even if you have), a souvenir T-shirt is, most likely, made of the worst kind of material. But let's assume it's good material and the right size for me. I'm still left thinking, "I've never been to Los Angeles. Do I really <3 LA? What if I don't? You <3 LA because you went there and saw what it's like, and maybe I would <3 it too if I were in your shoes, but I don't really know, do I?"
- Models and showpieces - the worst kind of souvenir
All they do is take up space and prolong your dusting routine. And the ones that are made of plastic or metal won't even 'accidentally' break.
- Something you supposedly asked for - the most disappointing kind of souvenir
I believe people should enjoy their holidays without worrying about what to bring back for everyone. But when they keep asking you what you want and say they'll get you something anyway, you might as well try to ensure they bring something you like. So you tell them to bring you XYZ if they happen to see it but to not bother hunting for it because you really don't need more stuff.
Then they bring you PQRS because it happens to vaguely resemble XYZ. And PQRS will be something generic that's easily available everywhere around you at half the price they bought it for.
And you have to pretend you're excited and grateful when all you're thinking is, "Oh, you poor dumb fools... I hate it!"
Related story:
On a visit to someone's house, the host had bought coffee and made me some because she knew how much I love it. Problem was, she was a tea drinker with no idea of how coffee works. I took a sip from the mug she'd given me and all I could taste was weirdly tainted water with a grainy texture.
Extremely puzzled but curious to solve the mystery of the suspicious liquid, I took a couple more sips before realising that she'd put coffee grounds into the mug and mixed it with water the way you'd make instant coffee.
I then tried, at various points through the evening, to leave the mug in an obscure corner of the house, but she'd always find it and say, "You forgot your coffee. Here it is."
- Postcards
Please don't give me a new set of postcards even if I stare at them and keep talking about how pretty they are. I may love looking at them, but they take up space because I don't know enough people who will truly appreciate getting a handwritten postcard in the mail.
If you find a pretty one while you're travelling, write on it and post it to my address. It'll be the best souvenir you can get me.
Or you could simply come back and share your stories with me. Just please, please, please do not bring me Bounty bars.
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