Say What You Mean

As someone who usually takes things at face value, it is after much confusion and annoyance over the years that I've realized you often need to take what people say with a pinch of salt.

Of course, there are things you're naturally wary of, like advertisements or restaurant menus that seem too good to be true (because that's exactly what they are).
Sometimes, it's mildly amusing, like when someone you follow has other "followers you know".

How did they know Stephen Amell and I are best friends?

Sometimes, you quickly learn certain things are relative, such as coffee strength or distances:

But at times you realize that many people's understanding of certain words and concepts are nowhere close to what you assume is the real meaning. For example:

"I'm broke."

I suppose you could say that's relative too, but sometimes it's stretched a little too far.
Let me elaborate.
Fortunately, I've never been broke or claimed to be. So the closest I've been was probably in college when I was too lazy to go get money from the ATM.

Me: I only have ten rupees, so these are my dinner options:

My roommate: I'M SO BROKE!

Next day:

Misinterpretation works both ways, though. Like this one time when she was trying to buy something online and asked:

"I promise..."

I take promises very, very seriously, so I tend to believe people when they give me their word on something. If I actually use the word "promise" I make sure to follow through, no matter what. My 8-year-olds will tell you that I even treat pinkie swears with the utmost respect.

So if you say you "promise" to do something and then don't, you shouldn't blame me for flying into an irrational rage.
Especially if you try to brush it off (as many people do) with "promises are meant to be broken".

"Yes, I love reading."

I know it's kind of mean and condescending, but well...

Also, I've noticed that there are some people who, after I've completely trashed Chetan Bhagat, say something along the lines of "Yeah, I don't like him either... but I liked Two States. That was actually a really fun book."
It's almost always Two States that's mentioned in this kind of footnote. So either that IS better than his usual trash or (more likely) these people like his books and are just too embarrassed/polite to say so after I've expressed my intense aversion.


"I didn't sleep last night."

There have been very, very few days in my life when it's happened, but when I say I haven't slept, it's because I haven't slept. At all. So the reactions I got were initially quite confusing. All conversations on sleep deprivation went something like this:

And then, I made a marvellous discovery.
I found that people who said they hadn't slept really meant they'd slept very little (i.e. less than their usual quota). Most people I know say this when they've had four hours or less.
SO, when I say "no sleep", they assume I've got about two-four hours, which explains their alarm when I talk of sleep time in minutes.

My confusion is surely understandable. See, when I say I haven't slept at all, this is what my night is like:

  

  

The casual use of this hyperbole has resulted in me becoming cold, unsympathetic, and very impatient with such people.

 

I don't know how to end this post on a positive note, so I'll just leave this PSA here for everyone who knows me or other people like me:

Sucky Summer Stuff

I may have written essays about summer being my favourite season back in school. This was mostly because "summer" was synonymous with "vacation", but (as I realize now on looking back) also because we had pleasant climate throughout the year.

Who loves summer now, in 2017? Only two kinds of people, in my mind:
1. Those who live in places so cold that summer means two layers of clothing instead of five
2. Crazy people

So here's a poem on some of those "ugh" summer moments.

If somebody had said to me around ten years ago
That we’d need A.C.s in this city, I’d have said “Oh, no,
This place is naturally cool, it’s pleasant as can be.
You must be crazy if you think that you need an A.C."

But alas! Things have changed so fast. The once warm, friendly sun
Now blazes down with great vengeance, and summers are no fun.
It’s too hot in the afternoon, the mornings are too bright,
It’s dry and irritating, and it’s even hot at night!

'There must be some upside to this', you think, 'well, let me try
To stand outside with my wet hair―see how fast it will dry.'
But thirty seconds later you decide to go back in.
You’d rather not turn into a sizzler with crispy skin.

And inside isn’t always better. Maybe cooler, but
Sometimes there’s no breeze, and, oh joy, there IS a power cut.
So yes, at least you have some shade, but it’s not very nice
When all your fans stop working and your fridge can make no ice.

There is a way to cool oneself, you think as it gets hotter.
You step into the shower and― oh no, you’re out of water!
At least you weren’t brushing, pooping, or covered in soap.
(Yes, that can happen, and all you can do is swear and mope.)

But whenever I’m feeling brave enough to step outside,
I look at all the world around me, and I realize
I hate summer, but the thing that makes it REALLY sucky
Is seeing all these other folk who aren’t half as lucky.

Just Keep Singin'

A few months ago, I heard something weird(er than usual) from the kids on the school bus.

Too shocked to actually say anything, I turned around and gave them a long stare which simply received a nonchalant "what?" So, still mortified, I just turned back around and continued to try and ignore them while conflicting thoughts raced through my head.

And then I remembered the 90's.
I thought about the kind of pop music we'd hear all the time. A medley of the likes of Vengaboys, Aqua, Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, Boyzone, Spice Girls, 5ive, 98 Degrees, etc. in all their colourful mediocrity and annoyingly infectious glory. (I still remember the first English music video I ever saw: Hit Me Baby One More Time. I still remember how old I was, whose house I saw it in, and that flash of recognition once the music started.)

Of course we sang these songs all the time, without knowing what they meant. For example, the song Genie in a Bottle has very different implications when you're 10 and when you're 20.
Another popular song, especially for dance contests in school, was Vengaboys's Boom Boom Boom. The chorus goes something like this:
Boom boom boom boom\ I want you in my room\ Let's spend the night together\ Together in my room

8-year-old brain interpretation: 

*Another misunderstood Vengaboys song. As I realized only a few months ago, it's "going to Ibiza", not "going to eat pizza". Learn how to pronounce 'Ibiza', Vengaboys!

Adult (I say 'adult' optimistically) brain:

Often, we sang without even knowing the lyrics. This is from an actual conversation I had with a friend in my class.

We were very creative when it came to making up strange lyrics that sounded like the originals.

It was "pour some Dom Perignon and hit the lights out", but how in the world are pre-teens supposed to know that? Besides, if we'd known the actual lyrics, I bet our discussions would have revolved around who Dom Perignon was and how you could possibly pour... okay, never mind. Let's just move on to the next line.

At an age where love is such a vague, abstract concept, and when a phrase involves the word, you naturally assume it's... something like this?

Not that it mattered much. All we really cared about was singing it exactly like Blue did, especially the high Lee Ryan parts.

So maybe the kids singing Anaconda and such will look back a few years later and have parts of their childhood ruined. Beyond that, I don't know, either they'll be scarred for life or they'll get over it after a while, hopefully enough to be comfortable with it and maybe even enjoy it.